Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Beasts and Monsters

   I am going to change it up and share some favorite animals of mine.  By all accounts most of these animals would be considered monsters, hushed warnings mothers told their children to make them behave.  Yet, since they do exist and are well known we merely consider them animals.  Scary and vicious animals, but animals none the less.  I say all of this because I hold so much respect and admiration for these beasts.  I am especially fascinated by ocean life and animals that have been on the earth in one form or another for a very long time.
   Side note:  Whenever I hear about some zoo incident or story about how some person who owned an exotic animal got mauled by it I always think, "Well what the fuck did you expect? They are a wild animal".  The story of that lady having her face ripped off by a chimpanzee, or some dickhead being attacked by a bear or lion at the zoo come to mind and happen all too often.  Stop fucking with wild animals dummies.
   Second side note:  I hate monkeys, more so the ones that steal from people, I would punch the shit out of monkey if it stole something from me, just saying.

1.  Sharks

   Just to further elaborate on the point I made in the opening paragraph I would like to present a scenario.  Imagine we never knew of Great White Sharks and I told you there was this thing in the ocean whose entire evolution centered around it becoming the best killing machine possible within natural limits.  That there is a monster who has rows of serrated teeth that rest upon a jaw that extends outwards when it is about to eat you.  It uses those very same teeth to not only pull you in but tear and saw off large portions of your body as it shakes and spins to further reap with a bite force averaging around 4000lbs (if 20 ft or longer), and when teeth come out as it rips you apart, new ones grow behind it.  Holding an average weight of around 4000lbs at maturity.  This animal also has an extra sense that allows it to detect  the electromagnetic field emitted by the movement of living animals, meaning that it allows it to sense any animals movement, even its heart beat if close enough.  That is a monster.

   And lets not forget the wonderful variations of the shark family.  This guy below for example, the Goblin Shark.  It is incredibly grotesque, if you watch the video you can see how its jaw retracts then extends, its sickening.  I love it.


2. Deep Sea Life

Oh hay, just your nightmares come to life making an appearance.

   It seems as though the deeper you plunge into the ocean, the darker and scarier it gets, which makes perfect sense considering there is no light and animals have to adapt.  Even acknowledging the previous comment, the creatures you encounter at the ocean`s depths are unreal and all too disturbing.  I do not even want to image what these creatures look like as they eat.   Seemingly appearing as an abomination cast straight from the old testament these underworld animals live in complete darkness and thrive in a desolate, cold, and hostile environment. 
   I am waiting for the day when someone comes up to the surface and has footage of some massive beast that has eyes that are the size of a house.  The Colossal Squid is fantastic but I am waiting for a leviathan to emerge, then again I run this blog and daydream too much.  Speaking of the Colossal Squid, I would like to share some fun-facts about it.

1.  The Colossal Squid does not have suckers unlike puny Giant Squids and Octopi.  No, the Colossal Squid instead has sharp hooks that swivel and are sometimes 3 pronged
2.  It can reach a maximum size of 30 to 46 feet.
3.  They fight whales.  Granted, they do not win most of the time, but they fight whales.
Realistic ratio of Colossal Squid to a human in terms of size.  Ironically enough the squid`s size is also proportionate to shit you would blast if it was this close to you.

Take it in.

Before I move on I wanted to display one more creature from the deep sea.  The Dumbo Octopus.
This one is actually a cutey and seems harmless enough.  I would give him a snack.  

3.  Bugs.

I find this both beautiful and grotesque at the same time.

   Insects may not always be the most dangerous organism in the world, but damned if they are not ugly and gross.   You know what I hate seeing?  Bugs eating other bugs.  I remember watching some documentary on insects and seeing a Praying Mantis devouring some other poor bastard`s head while it was still alive.  Makes my skin crawl.  If you ever want to share my misery, be sure to google or youtube "bug fights", you will have the chance to see some of the most horrendous insects put in a small space and kill and eat each other in gruesome ways. Very gross.  Be sure to check out "Beetle fights" afterwards because it is cute and funny to see them push each other off a log, maybe it is just me though.  
   Back to the subject at hand.  Some bugs are just gross, how many of you have cringed from the sight of....
"I crawl on you when you go to sleep and take naps in your ears."
   Thousand Leggers man, what the hell.  Every summer I get at least 2 to 3 of this in my house and every time I just want to kill it as fast as possible.  Just the idea of one of them around me makes me want to burn my house down if only to kill it in the process.  Give me an African or Giant Centipede any day, just keep the Thousand Leggers down in Hell where they belong.  

   Do you feel itchy yet?  Does it feel like insects are crawling on you? Did you see one out of the corner of your eye?  What would you do for Klondike Bar?  Bugs can be terrifying and beautiful.  More so beautiful when oh my god there are bugs all over me, kill me now.

4.  A Mystery Fighter Approaches!  Fungi!

  Yes, Fungi.  Not the kind you eat in salads or on the weekends while attending a concert.  Cordyceps Ophioglossoides.  What are they you ask?  Well they are a branch of sac fungi that that include 400 known species.  Each member of the species loves one particular insect.  I will cut the bullshit build-up and just break it down now.  Cordyceps release spores that affect one type of insect, the spores are taken into the host and grow from within it.  Some Cordyceps even make its host go mad as it festers from within it, or take control.  It has been observed that ants overtaken by the spore will climb as high as possible, so that when the spores that have been growing within it break through its body it can further spread more spores.  Lets put that into perspective,  You are an ant, and somewhere out there is a fungi made just to go into your body, grow, make you go insane and climb as high as possible so it can tear your body apart to spread itself more.  What the fuck.  Ants that observe other Ants over taken by the mushroom often usher the body away so that it cannot spread.  Let me also remind you that there are 400 types of this mushroom, all for various insects.  

Link to video:

There are some terrifying things for you to chew on.  Enjoy!


  1. good stuff man; gotta saw that Dumbo octopus is just sooo adorable :D

  2. Let me just say, I FUCKING LOVE GIANT SQUIDS. They are like, my dream animals. Also, I got traumatized by giant centipedes every since I saw one floating in my own toilet and from that youtube vid with the giant centipede killing a snake. I shudder just thinking about it.

  3. D: dat jaw.

    I agree when you say people shuldn't play with wild animals, its like when people are 'awww, isn't that tiger cute :3'

    Wouldn't be saying that if it was eating you...

    Good blog man.

  4. Some of those fish are terrifying looking!

  5. seen instances of all the creatures/fungus.. except that goblin shark, that thing is incredible

    supp and followin'

  6. you reminded me of why I dislike open ocean.

    oh, and Im done with my book review :)

  7. House centipedes, called Giu-giu in Japan, are considered good luck and are sold as pets. They also have prehensile genitalia, feed almost exclusively on other insects, and in some cases have glow in the dark blood.

  8. Not a fan of being close and personal with marine life or most bugs... but I can appreciate the beauty from afar :P

  9. that fungus is gross, i saw it first on planet earth dvds

  10. I like this blog. I'll check back tomorrow for a new update :)

  11. Yes this is a micro Photogarphy is verry impressive, and about the deep see i can go there :))

  12. Very interesting, I always wondered what sort of beasts lay hidden in the depths of the ocean. There are so many weird things that might be hidden there, imagine if they're all hibernating for a good few millenia, then wake up and decide to feed....

  13. BLUERAD: Cloverfield/ Cthulhu taking naps down there.

  14. I -had- to go back to your ealier post and comment. I'm an addict to David Attenborough smooth and enlightening british accent in the BBC Life series. Creatures of the deep are so wildly bizarre and wonderful. A world that evolved COMPLETELY away from our own for who knows how many thousands of years. This dark, predator vs predator world. And if you go deeper... It gets even stranger, and more alien.

    I could go on for hours, days if we had a nice sack of green ;)

  15. ugh parasites... gonna be itchy thinking bout it lol
    p.s. >:I I'm a marcusite


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